Missing Me

I miss me...The very me....The old me....The happy me...The bright me....The smiling me...The laughing me...The gone me...

I say I'm fine....But going insane.....
I say I feel good...But in lot of pain...
I say It's nothing...But it's really alot...
I say I'm okay.....But really I'm not...

I was a Real entertainer, I was always making everyone laugh...
I kept myself....I just had this infectious energy
I had a dream of colors...How i want to be.....
I got along with everyone...i was in life of laughs and dreams....
Before I persue it seriously.......emotionally abused......isolated by  family for being black.....Tsunami came....

They ask "How are you doing? But They mean is "Are You over it yet?"
My Lips say "Fine, Thanks", But my eyes tell a different story, My heart sings a different tune, and my soul just weeps....

I smile...but want to cry...
I talk....but want to be quiet...
I am never seen in same outfit twice....but not comfortable....
Boxes and boxes of shopping...but no peace....
I pretend that i'm happy...but i'm not...
Thought that perfect girl with the perfect life, the perfect world with the perfet guy....But nothing is perfect...Right....
It seems I'm always having the best time with friends...
assuming always driving...travelling..new experiences and great stories to share...
No one to walk with me...No one really knows me...Masked my sadness with the Ideal life...
Always flying high in the air, but felt low inside...
Inbox is always full....but felt empty with in...
Happy on the outside, But struggling with the Heart inside....
I have an addiction that everyone called a "lifestyle"....
People are just occupied by my physical appearance...


Pain is not obvious...
I search optionals to drown my pain, but the pain learnt how to swim....
I am sick of crying, tired of trying, smiling but inside I am dying...
Its amazing how all know me but still don't know me at all...
It's very stressful to explain whats going on in my head...
When I don't even understand myself...
I use filters to lighten my photos when I carry the heavy weight of stress....

But I want someone who knows how i really feel...
Want to spend quality time face to face...
Want to be some one's dream...
I don't want to live for approval of others....

Only can document the moments I'm most love with my self...

I fight endlessly with the unseen enemy which can't seem to outside....

The worst thing in life is to end up alone....